New Beginnings

I started this blog along time ago (like in 2009) with the intent of writing thought provoking, great things for discussion. Since then, there have been zero entries until today.  My time has been focused on so many other things. This New Years Day (2011) started like all New Years days of the past since I turned 25. It started with some self loathing for not doing what I set out to do the year before -- which is "get skinny", get organized, and put more effort into my family's spirituality. At the age of 24, I had my 2nd child, and so each year after that I have vowed to try to lose the "baby weight", be a great mom that is an example of Christ's love for us, and to try to keep my house cleaner and more organized.

Each year starts out with an examination of my faith. This soul searching is really a constant for me throughout the year, but at the New Year, at the beginning of lent, and at the beginning of Advent, I try to do more in depth searching. For me, this is the place to start for the other two goals I have. Somehow, I always manage to learn things about myself -- especially in these last four years of living on my own with the girls. Being a single mom is eye opening in so many ways, and hardships shape you.

This year seems different. There are things that are weighing on my heart... things as a mom, as a girlfriend, as a teacher, as a sister, as a daughter, as a programmer, as a friend, etc. I realize that this year, my birthday will fall on 11-11-11. It seems like thats a really cool way to celebrate this year and by that date, I really want to be at my goal weight. I want it more than I have ever really wanted it. In order to be healthy and really live life to the fullest with my kids, I don't want to weigh 200+ pounds (yes, it really is 200+ -- WOW). So, I wanted to approach it completely different than I ever have. I don't want to be skinny. I want to be healthy and really at my height, 135-140 is where I should be according to medical charts. I would be happy at 150-155. That means I have to lose 50-55 pounds. (I don't want to fixate on a number on the scale though)

So -- it started when on the way to school one morning I was listening to KLOVE. I hear this author talking about how we are made to crave a connection with a higher power (God). And a lot of times other addictions -- i.e. food -- stem from the fact that we are not filled up spiritually.
So, I started following the Klove blog. (http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2011/01/03/Made-to-Crave-Day-One.aspx)

Since then, I have learned so much about myself. It seems like this is one of those times when my my spiritual quest has been hightened. The real drive is that the girls are getting to an age where they are really asking the serious questions. They are at a point where their own quest for spirituality is taking more shape based on what they have learned thus far. I want to lead by example with all of my being. This is also taking shape as Richard and I move forward and start to grow together and how that fits into our family dynamics. I'm once again at a major crossroad and hopefully this process will make me better. I'll keep you posted!